Hello everyone! I hope that everyone’s having a fantastic day! My name is Mandy from Missouri. I am new here and glad to be apart of this site! I hope you enjoy my blog and please feel free to comment and share!
Today I wanted to talk about Depression, Anxiety, and Anger. I was diagnosed with Generalized anxiety, and Depression in 2007, when something tragic happened to my younger sister. I became her caretaker when she had her first mental breakdown. She was in no place to be left alone and I stepped up as her older sister to help anyway that I possibly could. She was diagnosed with Schzoeffective, Bipolar, Major Depressive and panic and anxiety disorders. As we left the State Hospital with about 8 different pshyc medications. My sister, didn’t even like taking a Asperin, lol. And most in our family was raised the same way. To let the body heal itself, and uses old school home remedies to get well. So, that initial shock of all of these head drugs scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t keep up with all of them and never had exp with despencing meds by no means. I would have to write everything down and remember times. It’s very time consuming if your a newbie. It’s exhausting, and sad once these meds kick in and only cause horrible side effects for her. She would pace all the time around the house all hours of the day and night. She wasnt sleeping at all. Like in a Manic state. She was scared to sleep alone, followed me around looking so losts and afraid. Was paranoid about everything. She acted child like and she had to be told what to do. Simple everyday living. So I contacted her Dr who released her telling him my concerns. And with her permission, I realized that she had EST, aka, Electric Shock Therapy. A very painful type of therapy that they may use on our loved ones. The Dr stated that its like a “RESET BUTTON.” As I began my own research on this type of therapy it began to let me know of other, terrible side effects of Memory Loss, increased anxiety and depression. It was a very intense, overwhelming feeling. Feelings of Me letting her down. Shame that I couldn’t help her feel better. She wasnt handling it all too well and so again she was put on another 72 hour hold at the Psch ward. I would visit her when I could. She was more drugged up this time then the lasts. It was so hard not to cry and to just take her out of there. She was given Lythium and other Head drugs. She stayed about 2 weeks this time.
As we returned her home with us she started to want to stop taking her meds all together. Said she was going crazy due to the meds, and that she’s refusing to cont her meds. That’s where the hardest part for me came in. I knew that as a mother of 2 and a wife that she wasn’t stable enough to remain living in our home. It all became to be too much for me and my family to bare. I carried around some blame on my part once again. And began getting very stressed and depressed about my situation. How do I kick my sick sister to the curb, she had no place to go. No one at that time was stepping up to help me find her a place. We called all around for safe places for her to stay but with her having no insurance, no job, and no support system.
I have been going on 3 weeks since my first born, and only daughter stop speaking with me due to my Mental illness. She is disgusted by me and is very angry with me. She keeps bringing up the fact that I don’t have a paying job. I do have a 24/7, a 7 days a week job as a live in Caregiver! I am my clients life line, voice and support system, as she has no family to watch out for her.
I will go back 3 years ago when I met her. We both bad fallen on hard times and met in a DV Shelter for a period of time. We started hanging out and became great friends. She asked me to become her Caregiver and Roommate and I said that’s the type of work that I am passionate about. It’s like God brought us together. It felt so natural and was laying heavy in my heart to help this woman! I even asked my son’s permission first to see if it would be a good fit and to also take us into our next chapter in our lives, and finding a home! When you are in a Shelter, you are put on a time limit to find housing. And you also want to improve your life and become a normal member of society again. It’s just a temporary stepping stone to get you to your end goal, and that’s Housing. FREEDOM, THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME! It’s been over 3 years later and we are stronger than ever! She’s became like family to us! We watch out for one another and have fun!